School Hols.

School hols was sucks at first. I ran away from home. ALthough i planned to stay home with family. But. Urgh. She did it again. What the hell is her probs??! She seemed like she wanted to get rid of me from this house.Fine. U want it. So, u deserve it! I made my decision to leave the house, and took my cat back to Batang Kali. My heart was really broken. I've been treated badly. I cried nights and days. When it came to Graduation Day at IPBA, I even went there on my own. My dad's freaking mad!. He just couldn't understand why I can't deal with my own sister!. I don't know what i did wrong (perhaps, a lot). BUt hey! im just not ALIM like her. SHe has to accept that!. I wouldnt wanna wear what she wears. I wouldnt wanna believe what she believes in. I have my own way of perceiving life!. Uh. After all, I still love her. I never criticise her for who she is, she should be thankful for that. IShe's a top 5 student in medic school, she's a 5 time-prayer, she fills her bank account with more digits! What else does she want? a bf?

Urgh.

Talking about bf, I would rather not marrying anyone! Jerks are everywhere. Damn it. I don't find quality guys, nor i have the quality. What I want, is a guy who can perfectly match our lives together. We don't have to have things in common. We don't have to like the same things in life (except sex, i guess its important to like it). All we need is sharing, (not money, bleh), sharing life, sharing thoughts, sharing ideas, sharing interests, sharing bed. err..that's it. NOT EVERY FREAKING THING!. It's about compromising, U say black, I say white. vice versa. u know...ying and yang...

For nearly 2 yrs, I still cry at night, everytime when he slipped into the thought.

Well, maybe Im not ready yet. I haven't completely moved on. He's been the guy. He's the best I've ever had. *sigh*. I've tried to forget the emotional parts. But can't erase him from my mind. We went through a lot in the beginning. He made me live in fantasy, since the first time we met. He was my fantasy!. and he still is! Everything we had was real things in a fantasy world.

How could i forget him? Ive had rebound relationship since after. My r/ships didnt work out after him.damn damn damn.

So, this is him and his gf. Both in white tops. They hooked up right after we broke up. Saying im jealous? yes of course I am! I would only be happy if he has a new gf soon!

FRASER'S HILL

Malaysia's little England, Fraser's Hill

Btw, ive had fantastic hols when Azrin came over for 3 days. If only we had some other people. we could have slumber party ;). So, one unforgettable experience. She paid for a freaking expensive gerai-style lunch in Kuala Kubu Bharu. THe food was good though. Then, we made our way up to Fraser's Hill, Pahang that's abt 30 km away The road was narrow and winding. We both felt dizzy. She puke. I didnt. We were so relieved when we arrived, and we cooled down, took some picts. after 40 mins we left the place. and guess what, Azrin puked badly when we made our way back to Batang Kali. Azrin was the second person who puked on my passenger seat! nasty nasty ;). Still, Loved you when u were here girl! She made my days!! smmooocchhh ; )

Azrin's pic of puking has to be censored. Sorry Azrin. He he

Kids and me.

How to describe these kids. Damn. I dont hate them for who they are. I just hate them for being kids. How could I force myself to love them. THey are adorable and cute. but my goodness. Otak bebal at times. Marahnye. (sorry kids, i dont mean to be nasty). I never liked this profession. But i have to do this. Urgh. life's sucks. I wish i could do sth else. Oh no. Everyday, im stressed out. migrain attacks me. Looking at the familiar face. Some kids are really devils. THey don't care what u say or do. THey live in their own world.

My year 1 kids

Oh well, PANAS NIEY!! oh my GB, i'm not sure whether you really are proactive or u're just being fussy. But i don't really like the way you run things in school. Im not sure whether its ur order or the slobs from PPD. But for sure, I live in hell at times when she's around. SHe used to express how she hates smokers. She even scolded the guard not to smoke within sch compound. But hey, the person who shares a life with her even smokes like a chimney. When we had our Hari Guru celebration at Kalumpang, He doesn't bother the kids, and us! He smokes in the tent. Urgh.

(well, at least. a credit for myself for setting up this place ;) ,

although kena push ngan GB for 2 months)

Thats why i need the comfort from my buddies. I need to get the hell out of these craziness! Hazwan's been there for me, doesn't matter on the weekends or weekdays (whenever he's not busy). Intan, hell i have to wait for her coming back to KL. Nas, he used to be busy, he still is, esp abt his 3 (or 4?) babies. Lucky, he got rid of a bitch. I used to be okay with her. But, since i knew she's been flirting with people ard me, i just wanna spit on her face. Ptuih ptuih.

BTN (Biro Tatanegara)

(Ray, Mieza and Tazzy) The first time Ray and I engaged in crappy conversation. We never talked much since the last 5 years! He's a sweet guy and he's taken. Damn. Haha

Haha. hilarious.pics of BTN!. How I wish i could have attended BTN course again. It was the only some sort of courses that i was willing to go. No preassure. But hell. still remember. We had a freaking big night out prior to BTN. So, i was hung over. Was I? can't remember. too many visits to ZETA BAR towards the end of the days ;). I remember that I liked a guy. Flirted with him (thanx nicky, for being my saviour). But somebody else stole him away. Hahahhaa.. Well, she's someone who's easily hooked up with someone. love them instantly. and could also forget them right away. Too fragile. I guess, she never looked for one-night stand. Me neither (pst: few nights stand ;).

School kids from SMKA tatau. Sexy woo. Suma nampak bra. Mampos tak layan.

New chapter of 2008

Finally, a new chapter of life has begun. The new adventure is in Batang Kali a.k.a Ulu Yam. A freaking strange place. Got myself a nice double-storey house all by myself. So, here's a pic of my new-empty house. Hell, life wouldn't be perfect without TV and ASTRO! Oh thanks to Intan and Nas for coming over to my new lovely crib... yeeehaaa~!

Nas and Intan made it up for the tea

Nas and I, in my messy room.

It wasn't a good news, as other friends in Selangor got posted to nearby schools. Instead, Im here in the jungle! or to be exact, ladang getah! I was just praying that it wouldn't be that tough for me. Hell, I never liked kids. So, I have to now! Well, the new chapter of life revolves around this freaking place.

Fingers crossed that I'll survive this year's task here!

It's not the first time

Oh no. its not the first time. How could I be so stupid? The previous blog wasn't updated for long time. Procrastinating has long been my best friend. Do I think that I could remember all the events that happen in my life? well. silly bitch. I am. What I have in mind now is killing myself softly with lotsa smoke. Seriously, smoking help me to ease out my feelings, and diets too ;).Well, Hail PALL MALL menthol!

Wer Bin Ich Wirklich für dich?

Wer Bin Ich Wirklich für dich?

Ich weiss nicht genau, was ich will,
das Leben gibt so viel her
Wo fang ich an?
Das Rad in mir steht niemals still,
ich treibe durch’s Häusermeer,
ich such‘ mich um weiter zu komm‘
Ich such‘ mich und lauf‘ mir davon
Wer bin ich wirklich
und wer bist du?
Mein Herz kennt den Weg nicht,
es kommt nicht zur Ruh‘,
wenn ich mich zweifelnd verrenn‘,
mich selber nicht kenn‘,
sag‘, wofür liebst du mich dann?
Wer bin ich wirklich für dich?
Was läuft für ein Film tief in dir,
ist in deinem Drehbuch noch ’ne Rolle frei?
Was hast du für Bilder von mir,
erkennt man die Liebe noch
als zweitauend teiliges Spiel, hm hm?
Ein Puzzel aus wirrem Gefühl.
Was ist das genau,
was ich von dir will,
was ist das genau,
was du für mich fühlst?

2006

finally, 2006 was over. damn i think that was the most challenging year ever in my life. too many upside downs. i found love, but its broken. tried to keep it, but its gone. for 10 months, its enough of us. we broke up cause of the distance. it was hard though. i was going through hell lotsa assignments…and bad days, sickness..and then a big shock ever. i think, its nearly 3 months i broke up. well anyways, im glad that i had the relationship. if it wasnt him, i wouldnt be in germany for twice. and i wouldnt get a damn great result for my final year. and i wouldnt know how it feels like to end up in the hospital *wink*. what a memory.

now, im still confused with my life. i dont know what/which is the reality that awaits for me. i cant wait to go through this year. i wanna find my way to get out of this shithole. i cant adapt myself to where i am right now. everynight and everyday, i have the illusion that im somewhere…but im holding on the goal that ive made. im gonna make it real about germany. a new guy has come into the picture. He’s been behind me, supporting me all this while….and he’s still there for me. i owe himm…i like him…he makes my days!. the time in germany during winter recently….ive had the best time in my life ;)..christmas, birthday and new year in europe…and last year was in australia..i feel soo lucky!.

although i cried so many tears for the past relationship, ive had big smiles with the new relationship ive gained. i thank him a million for that. i believe in a new life….wishing that everythings gonna be alright…..phew..one more year..hang in there mieza!..

Yeah, this is offensive

well, its funny hey, when people start telling you they heard rumours about you..Not a good thing, but hell, live with it. Im expecting people to talk about me. Be it my personality, attitudes, life, religion and stuff.

But damn, why these people are so farking busy body? Dont they have any other things to talk about?..Hmm..nasib lah…Aku dpt dosa, diorang pun dpt extra dosa..HAHA.. Hell people, i dont care what u do, im not gonna invade ur farking personal life. hmmm…
Ah, its been a while though im not blogging, well im blogging shits anyway.

I know people are still reading my blog for 2 reasons, first coz YOU are bored, second, coz YOU wanna find something HOT for ur bitching sessions, so, nothing really personal that i write here. Im here to tell u people, to warn u, to stay away from me. And if u are reading mine, u know it, u could tell it. Im giving it right to ur face.

Whats wrong if i have changed? Ada masalah ke? or what i have said is too offensive? So, what, im a muslim, u re a muslim. But i have my own way. And u have urs. Why bother?. Setakat pakai tudung, mulut celupar, perangai tak jaga…nak ckp pasal aku laks.

I have read somewhere, people said, ah walaupun yg pakai tudung tu buat jahat, belum tentu azab besar…tp yg tak pakai tudung tu buat jahat, confirm tempah nama kat neraka. Fark. What is that? Ur mentality is sooo much bounded by UR MALAY culture. I know some people who have such mentality. Though duduk oversea pun. Come on. If u dont like me, its fine. but dont judge me. Dont think that u are safe either. Laki pompuan sama je. Masuk lubang jamban. timbus pale flush sindri.

Now, i have few morons adding me and teasing me in my YM. dari dulu smp hari ni. Well, aku tau keja sapa…Dont think im stupid. Im warning ya, u will see what i’ll do to ya.
i guess this is the only craps that i could talk now. im damn sleepy. Puasa pun batal rasanya. Sbb hari ni tak ikhlas, sbb mulut aku dah jahat.

*P/s: wahai ‘kawan-kawanku’, wahai musuh-musuhku, wahai bekas budak-budak maahad…pegi main jauh-jauh.tp, kalo korang rasa hati korang tak busuk, dan korang rasa hati aku tak busuk. dtg duduk tepi aku, bagi tazkirah sket kat aku.(tazkirah yg berguna la, yg cam sial, boleh blah).

Last but not least, THANK YOU FOR READING ..hahahahahhahaa…

Times running out

Hell, another 5 more weeks for uni. Then lonngggg hols~~!!..damn it. loads of assignments yet in progress!!!..arrghh..ape nk jadi ni? malas betul. In 2 weeks time, ramadhan pulak. Tsk. ganti pun tak abis lagi…
aaaaaa~~~!!!..lucky one burden’s over…Now have to go through few more.Alahaii.bila nk abis?
Last night, went to the ‘merdeka’ dinner. not bad. but a bit messed up. lawak pun ada. The food? duhh…no comment. But, anyhooo (quoted from stewie, 2005, Family Guy season 4), had a great time last night. Isk.takmo ckp byk.bosan.
AAAHhhhhhhhhh….i miss Nilleeee~~!!!…wanna hug and kiss ya.

Mieza: a dead Butterfly

Dead butterfly in a happy garden.
Butterfly,
she’s beautiful, attractive.
lives in a world full of drama and fantasy.
full of fears and adventures.
never know what will happen in days ahead.
realize that her moment will come.
just dont know when.
she is dead. really dead inside.
Though she carries colourful attitudes,
but no one really cares.
All they do, is to get her, pull her down.
Her heart is pure. but too dark, too small to be seen.
she’s too young, too scared to be seen.
But she still flies high…
dont wanna be seen but wanna be recognized.
too bad, people take her for granted.
some try to lend her some wings.
she refuses.
She wanna be herself.
wanna survive with her own wings.
they broke her wings. she tries to get her wings back.
But the old wings could never be replaced. they took them away!
The garden, has never been better for her.
Too much obstacles to over come.
She just dont know.
dont know when she will be happy again in the HAPPY GARDEN.

Stupid

Today, i got a visitor, Ziera, coming here from Wellington for a short vacation. Im happy though. Havent seen her for more than and a half year. Mwah mwah girl. U are gorgeous than ever!..hehe

Have not had enough sleep lately and my brain is goona explode soon coz of the pedagogical stuff..Been working hard on it. I dont know, it should be easy, but yeah, there are things make it hard. But i wont give up. Still gonna work on it. I know it will worth it. Time will come. Friday: gonna go out clubbing and having some drinks with the girls. Looking forward to it.

Anyway, today i came across some other friends’ pages, cool. Many people have now shown their true colour. I dont mind though. It’s good.. At least they no longer act like a pretender. That i used to go through, being a pretender. Why do we need to be hypocrite? Just because to shut those bitches mouths? Maybe yes. It’s hard to show our true colours!!..but ..hmm…im impressed. *thumb’s up"…Haha..Maybe they become one of the DEVILS like me.

Yet, just one thing. I hate them. When i used to go through the stage of becoming a DEVIL, those people were the ones who’s been criticising about me. The way i dress up. My smoking habit. My social life. Everything. But.HAHA. there u go babes, u are going through what i have gone throughh lloooonnnnggggg time ago. Come on, u said u are positive, u are not judgemental. Hmm..i guess u WERE and NO LONGER now. so good on ya ;).

Actually, the main point is, dont talk about the ‘devilisation’ stage of some one. Coz, u will somehow will do the same shit. THough it wont be a big thing.
Zaaassss!.

Boredom...

Suddenly i feel like missing him so much. I feel alone and do nothing much lately. Am just having a quiet and easy life. EVeryday, wake up early in the morning…go to class..do chores, cook, eat, play worms, do uni stuff, then watch tv, dvds, sleep early. Those party-times gone. Friends left Oz for goods. Bf’s far far away. Others busy. Apart from having nas and leila as my companies, I would rather stay in my room and do my own things. sometimes, boredoms killing me. Feel like going up to the dance floor and be the queen. *sigh*.
Today, went to EKKA. Lucky me, since i realize i need to save up some money, i didnt spend much, Just for food and drink. Didnt play those stupid games or take any rides. Me and Sarah spent time visiting all the barns. the pigs and dogs were so cute…Had some pics with PIGS though. Looking at them, remind me of those ive seen slaughtered on the tv.Kesian. Tak pegang. HAram..HAHAHAHA. Ouh yeah, the dairy goats and lembu look so kesian. They were all skinny. Looked at how they pumped the milk out. Isk.. Terseksa. Feel like dont wanna buy milk anymore!!

I was amused by this one grandma and her son, got on the stage and started rapping. Damn. she’s old though, but acting like a young girl. And yes, we watched tis one latin dance and hip hop dance performed by a school of dance. Im impressed how the guys lead the girls. It was soo sexy and alluring. How I wish i could do latin. Perhaps, i will take the lesson.Haha. Yeah apart from that pole dance class that KJ and I saw on Queen Street mall,its more worth it. It takes two to tango …kalo pole dance, sorang je.tak best.

AAAhhhh. how i wish i could see my bf now. Missing him badly. Wanna hug him wanna kiss him. Since, i cant hug him now, my girls are the victims. HAHAha. But its not similar :(. They got boobs. So errr…feel weird. Hehe. But i would be glad of that if i would be a lesbo. Malangnya.tak. Haha.

Pink Dick or Needle Wang?

hmmm..somebody has been bugging my life lately. I dont know why. i dont even know him. But it seems like he’s now trying to put me down. Hell. I feel sorry for his life though. Hes like a lunatic living in a pathetic life. What does he know about my life? trying to be judgemental towards me.

Just because im living in my way, not portraying a proper MUSLIM, he could say im a kafir. having a non-MUSLIM guy, i am a kafir again. Saying im doing kafir, asking me about pink dick and stuff..duhhh…come on boy. u sound like a pervert. hmm…poor u boi..maybe ure a big boy having a needle wang? and need to wank more coz u aint got a girl?Haha.

i might not behaving like a real MUSLIM. and i dont live the way ISLAM wants me to do. What do u think? agree with that? of course u will…thats because ure too judgemental. thinking im living in a bad life and no longer a MUSLIM. Well, i could say that I accept ISLAM as the right way of living, but i dont have to tell ya what i do in my everyday life. God knows better. Well,i do hate most MUSLIMS. Why? because most of them are pretender,like u. Saying that this or that person is bad. But actually they themselves are bad people. Help nothing but make things worse.
Im acting normal. I am young, i am influenced. So do u. U are also normal. aren’t u? so, stop implying im a bad person. If ure really a good MUSLIM, you wont even have a peek on any of the girls’ pics (maybe thats inviting and alluring)…and u wont even have an account on this friendster. But, even if u have u might just wanna search for friends, dropping by and say hi. or even if u care bout them, drop a little good comment for them. See, ure normal like i am!

Im not trying to offend my other MUSLIMS friends. Im sorry if u hurt.But im not implying anything on any of my friends. They are good people. THose others, YES. I AM OFFENDING THEM. take it or leave it. U ponder urself why im saying so.

Pink Dick or Needle Wang?

hmmm..somebody has been bugging my life lately. I dont know why. i dont even know him. But it seems like he’s now trying to put me down. Hell. I feel sorry for his life though. Hes like a lunatic living in a pathetic life. What does he know about my life? trying to be judgemental towards me.

Just because im living in my way, not portraying a proper MUSLIM, he could say im a kafir. having a non-MUSLIM guy, i am a kafir again. Saying im doing kafir, asking me about pink dick and stuff..duhhh…come on boy. u sound like a pervert. hmm…poor u boi..maybe ure a big boy having a needle wang? and need to wank more coz u aint got a girl?Haha.

i might not behaving like a real MUSLIM. and i dont live the way ISLAM wants me to do. What do u think? agree with that? of course u will…thats because ure too judgemental. thinking im living in a bad life and no longer a MUSLIM. Well, i could say that I accept ISLAM as the right way of living, but i dont have to tell ya what i do in my everyday life. God knows better. Well,i do hate most MUSLIMS. Why? because most of them are pretender,like u. Saying that this or that person is bad. But actually they themselves are bad people. Help nothing but make things worse.
Im acting normal. I am young, i am influenced. So do u. U are also normal. aren’t u? so, stop implying im a bad person. If ure really a good MUSLIM, you wont even have a peek on any of the girls’ pics (maybe thats inviting and alluring)…and u wont even have an account on this friendster. But, even if u have u might just wanna search for friends, dropping by and say hi. or even if u care bout them, drop a little good comment for them. See, ure normal like i am!

Im not trying to offend my other MUSLIMS friends. Im sorry if u hurt.But im not implying anything on any of my friends. They are good people. THose others, YES. I AM OFFENDING THEM. take it or leave it. U ponder urself why im saying so.

Ozs.

Tuesday. went out with a buddy, whom i feel that hes like my own brother. maybe its the last time we met before we’ll catch up again in Malaysia. Damn, hes going back home very very soon. although hes the one leaving brissie, but i have this emotional breakdown. Realizing that its gonna be my turn soon, i dont feel like goin home yet.in 4 months time, Oz will be just a memorable place. Ive been having so much upside downs here. treasuring my own life. reflecting my own attitudes and stuff. Heres the place where i learn so much thing…be it good or bad things.Ive been through lotsa things here.

Today, had a conversation with the lady working at unilodge’s reception. she asked me where ive been and what ive done lately because she didnt see me for quite a long time. So,i told her ive been to germany and had a great time there, but i realize the fun time flew quicker!.

So, one thing she said that really made me realize about something in life. She mentioned that good things wont come easily. while we have it, we should enjoy it as much as possible. They would be gone soon and we dont realize that we would missed them and sometimes we took them for ganted.Though we can have it again, it wont be the same. Things changed. *sigh*..it’s true. I started reflecting what ive been through. Damn.

Anyways, ive improved my surviving skills.im proud of myself though because this place really challenged my credibility as a ‘warrior’ within myself. Tears and laughters. They all make me realize how important i am to keep on living. Good friends, good fun, good money…sigh…all will be gone as time flies. though memories remain, but still i wont have them anymore!. I think, sometimes, i took things for granted, in which i shouldnt.

yet, there are more to see. there are more things to do. to help me grow. all the experiences will make me a better person. bitches? talking about people? let them be. theyve never been in my shoes. They never knew what ive been through. They are just immature girls pretending they are soooo wise and know everything! instead they are just a bunch of loosers!. Or perhaps some people pretending they understand me, but they are not!.as if they could read people’s mind. Haha. Ouh yeah, those pack of wankers. Who are like bitches. Know nothing but shits. They belong to the same group. i dont give a damn anyway.

Now, ive gotta make the most out of it.3 months time. Shouldnt waste any. Come on mieza go!!!…
-appreciating every single thing means that u accept the God’s will-

news auf deutschland

There u go germany. I had a really great time there. I love the people, the environment ..ahhh everything. World Cup had spiced up the whole Germany!. so i was there at the right time. First arrived in Taipei airport (the most shittiest international airport ive ever been). Fark…6 hours there.its killing me. Then, Frankfurt. 13 hours flight. couldnt sleep, kept on thinking about what should i do when i first saw Nils. Yeah i was sooo glad to meet Nils again. He is more charming than ever. Next, 2 hr drive to baumberg.

Now, its nearly 2 weeks im back in brissie. I am missing germany soo much.especially my baby…mwah mwah luv u. It is pretty sad that i didnt make the most of it. I regret that we didnt spend much time together..damn it. Now, its been 8 months we are together..and the feelings grow more stronger. I love him even more than ever. I come to realize that he is the one ive been looking for. But time will tell. I’ve seen his life, and im satisfied.enough.


Anyway, world cup had made the people went crazy. Me? football? dont suit at all. But because of World Cup a.k.a Weilt Meister, i became one of football fans!. believe it or not, i was never able to kick a ball, but now, hahhaha…i am a good ball kicker(literally!).hehe…so, i went to see the games in Cologne, i think all of the matches were: germany vs sweden, germany vs argentina and Australia vs italy. The rest, quarter finals and final were at some friends’ places.

Damn, i cant believe how responsive the people were. Everywhere u go, u could see the spirit of football. thousands of people on the streets, here and there. I was kicked, pushed and stomped on everytime germany scored!.Anyhow, i was excited about it.
Damn, Dom in Cologne is really amazing, its like 509 steps up to the towers!!..my jaw dropped for few minutes. I am totally amazed!!..the view, especially the rhine river, was really really beautiful!.if it wouldnt be too hot….i would just take off my clothes and lay on the grass!..but yeah, germany was way too hot for me. im like a burnt meat!.

So, where did i go apart from cologne?…hmmm.yeah, duesseldorf (my favourite city)..i like Altstadt (means old town). the streets full of shops and bars and restaurants. i could spend hours alone, indulging myself with the food (pizza!!yeah), also shopping…its like a small little paradise!!!…hmm ok…next, is duisburg. here where i met an ex schoolmate a.k.a my good friend from malaysia. I envy her living in germany, how i wish it could be me!!.It is pretty sad, i didnt catch up often with her because shes busy with studies and stuff.

The people made me wanna write something about them. So here are the wonderful people ive met.
Tina, heike and marion are wonderful moms who made me feel so comfy there!. They are like my own mom…So, hang out with them couple of times. It was great. they treated me so well!. lukas? nils’ younger brother. i like him. He’s cool and he’s a singer! gut. Horst? he’s a great dad. I adore him for how he deal with the family. So, what can i relate him to nils..—>"like father like son"..hehehehhe…think about it..

I did catch up with some of Nils’ friends. They are wonderful and fun people. One funny thing, they address themselves as "arschloch" means asshole. I did unintentionally called them by that.
Marius? a sweet boy who i think is a funny guy, who could go crazy when he’s pissed. Mateusz? a german boi whos now look like an English guy with bald head. Flow? a good looking guy who drove us here and there when everyone’s pissed. Sven? a nice guy whom i went to watch football match at his place. Sveni? the farking tall guy!!..Pia? an ex of nils. kaya? a guy whos crazy about kungfu. Dobrawa? a sweet girl who happened to be kaya’s girlfriend. Bernd? the rich kid who worked his ass out and own a Merz. Shit. i cant recall everyone….Ouh yeahhh Sascha!!!! The punk boi who got striking red-blond hair. Ive been missing him because he was my buddy when he was in Oz. i love it so much to see him bubbly and crazy. I remember, the day we sat by the river drinking and stuff. me, nils, sascha and bernd. We both saw the most shiniest shooting star ever!!!….oh yeah, of course i wished something when it passed by!. definitely!.i hope my dream will come true!Amien.

yeah, sitting by the rhine is the most romantic thing ever!. Nils and I went there nearly every night on the last week i was there. Damn. We talked about shits and stuff, which is good. because, we didnt spend time discussing things properly like what we did on one particular night. Such a really mature- conversation. *sigh*..im missing him now.
Ouh yeah, another favourite activities : feeding the ducks & swans and walking through the English garden in Benrath. hehehe. romantic though.

Saw this roman old building. Im totally captured by the old buildings everywhere!. I cant believe that i have witnessed the old buildings…hundreds or perhaps thousands of years?….damn…first time though. Of course im like a korean who’s like "…whoooaaahhhh" all the time.
ah, too many things to write. Im a lazy ass. Okai. Bye for now.

A promise from me: I’ll be back in germany..Someday..soon!!…

Relieved.

Hm. finally, sleepless nights, working my ass out is now over. I could take a deep breathe and focus on my next plans. Okay. next week mom and dad will come.Yeah.can’t wait for that.

Damn, now i’ve gotta clean up my room. Things are all over the place. Last night, i went out to embassy after submitting my assignments. Catch up with those st. lucians. It was okay..not too bad. 3 hours was enough. I m glad i was behaving and controlling myself.i didnt go beyond my limit. (Ah, im proud of myself!.yes). Yeah, i could say that i’ve been longing and missing having a night out. This is just the beginning. Nicky promised me to go out having fine dining at pane vino and to have some drinks at the beach house. He better should!

ahhh *moaning*…im so lazy now..
trying to upload assignments on email for julia. Damn, why she makes it hard for me??the fifth time. i dont know what s wrong with the internet!! dah upload byk2, pegi disconnect..Sial!
Hmm…aduh, my baby is mad at me now. Hmmm..what should i do? he’s not convinced of me.Damn. Why?He should actually already know/understand me. I think he is. But hes just doubt about certain things. Ah. maybe, whatever it is, i think i dont need to explain things too much. Its not important. I trust him, he should trust me. whatever i do, i know the limit that i set myself. just one thing for sure, i love him more than i love myself.

Now, i wanna get things ready. Tonight im going to watch a movie. Perhaps, take the lead or thank you for smoking. Just wanna ease my soul out.Need to ‘mend’ it from all the craziness of life.aha, perhaps do a movie marathon. Ah, tak kesah lah.

Damn, i talk craps. (it shows that im bored and im stupid now). sebab, i just can’t think of writing long sentences now. Malas. My brain is no longer functioning for academic stuff or even to think of anything.
Gerak kaki ikut rentak lagu, gerak tangan ikut rasa hati.
Okla, assignment pun dah settle di upload. Jenuh menunggu. Now its time to do other things, or perhaps grab some food?
*I love my boo with all my soul.

a week to go..

Damn, i cant believe that its now mid year. I mean, the memory of touring Oz is still fresh in my mind, n i feel like, it was just over. Now, i have gone through another one semester. and there’s only a semester awaits for me. Then, fly home..phoaaa..cant believe that.

Anyway, been very busy and slaving my ass doing assignments. But i think my brain is not functioning anymore. My minds now on holidays. Looking forward to mom and dad to come over and then fly to germany (doubt about this though). Too many distractions, sleepless night, miserable life and stuff. *sigh* a deep breathe..Okay mieza, a week to go, then u can relax!!..

Hmm…pretty sad that there are so much doubts bout my relationship. Do i trust myself? Maybe. Im a fragile girl. Emotionally and physically. Thats why I have to be strong. Otherwise, i will burst into tears and break down. I will feel hopeless and i know that the window is wide open for me to jump to level 4. I think i will do it if dah gila betul.

Isk. Isk. Isk. S.O.S pls!!

S.O.S

well, things are hard now. Everything is shaky…im not so sure what went wrong.My life, my relationship and so on. Some people would say that, yeah good on her. But whatever. But yeah, admit that was my mistake. If only i would be more passion and behaving. But hey, I am behaving. Telling things on my mind, doesnt really mean i wanna do it. Its just a way of expressing the feelings ive got. Anyway, things about me, u dont find any fake or fancy stuff about me. I’ll just act towards things that i think I should go for and give my point of view towards certain things. Im a lil bit confused about whats going on and whats on my mind. Maybe too much preassure and stuff. But i will try to overcome all those shits that happen to me.

Tonight, it was a really good nite. Went out for a cup of coffee and ended up in the casino. But hey i dont gamble. I love liveband. So, Liam and I thought that we just wanted to have a look which band was performing. Yeah, we are good friends. Nothing more than that. So stop bitching about me hangin out with my mates. Anyway, I felt sooo happy. Lucky we did the right thing. I really enjoyed the performance by "The Vibe". A duo from Sunshine Coast. Just all those old songs and some pop blues, jazz, ballads and rocks. Damn. 2 hours. But worth the time.Well, pretty sad, just thought, if only that could be Nils.*sigh*. Its alright, we talked about music stuff that really interest me much. Yeah, Liam is a good friend of mine, He always reminded me, b careful of being ‘picked’ up. Yerp, again, it s unavoidable. But i dont really care, coz im not interested in anyone.

Now I miss my baby so much. Saying I love u is not enough, it worths to show it. Something has made him realize about ‘reality’. Living in reality. Yup. I dont know whats on his mind. I just hope that things are alright for him now. I just cant wait to see him again and get back to his arms. Anyway, if in case he reads this, I want him to know that the only person i admire and love is him. no one could ever replace him. He’s been the best ive ever had.

Ah , i need to get some sleep now, tomorrow i have to go to class and work !!!..damnn…

*life is like a box of condoms,u dont know which one comes right and which one will tear off.
Hugs and kisses to my love.

For my baby..;)

Title:what a gurl wants, but guys dont really care

1. Leave her cute text messages.
(okay..let us discover what have we both did)

2. Kiss her in front of your friends.
-Yes, U did.Especially in Bundaberg. (Heee..i miss those moments)

3. Trust her over everyone else.
-Yes, U did. Thanx for that. I luve u.

4. Tell her she looks beautiful.
-Errr..I cant remember.But i dont care coz i know im not beautiful.

5. Look her in the eye when you talk to her.-Sometimes.Not always.Especially when we both crossing the road.Haha

6. Tell her stupid jokes to make her laugh.
-Haha. U have tried many times. But i was just so stupid i didnt know it was a joke because sometimes u were being sarcastic too.

7. Let her mess with your hair.
-Errr…I cant do it..
Mess with HER hair. -Damn, U mess with my hair so much!!!…Remember? the day u brush my hair and tie them up and made me look funny?

8. Just walk around with her. –Hmm..yes, we walked too much because u dont like public transport, that my feet were aching!!!Especially when we both didnt have money and couldnt afford to buy tickets.

9. Include her in most things you do.
-Hmm..i doubt about this

10.
When she cries do whatever to make her smile
- U gave me ’silent treatment’. U let me do it by myself.And..U even cried together with me..Hehehehe…

11. Forgive her for her mistakes.
-Yes, but it usually take a while, because u always said, "U dont deserve that".

12. Look at her like she’s the only girl you see
. -I think so,although im ur gurl, i think u would prefer to look at big boobies .LOl.

13. Tickle her even if she says stop.
-Yes, u didnt just tickle me, instead u also gave me smack downs!!!!

14. Hold her hand even when you are around your friends.
-Yes, I luv u for this.(But i dont like it to be hugged all the time while walking together, because i need to hurry up to keep up the same pace..because im too short)

15. When she starts swearing at you tell her you love her.
-I dont think i swear that much to u.

16. Let her fall asleep in your arms. -Yes, u know my "office".

17. Get her mad, then kiss her.
-Im not sure.

18.Tease her and let her tease you back.
-U always said im stupid, but its okay because i said it back to you.

19. Stay up with her all night when she’s sick.
-Yeah, i appreciate this sooo muchhhh…I luv u.

20. Watch her favorite movie
. -We didnt watch ‘my’ favourite movies. We watched the movies that we wanted to watch together.

21. KiSS HER FOREHEAD.
-Yes u did.

22. Give her the world.
-We share the ‘world’

23. WRiTE HER LETTERS.
-damn, we are not old-fashioned.

24. Let her wear your clothes.
- Yes. I even keep ur shirt.

25. When she’s sad, hang out with her.
-i Think we would rather sleep.

26. Let her know she is important.
-Yes, many times.

27. Let her take all the photos of you whenever she wants.
-Damn, ur photos are countless on my laptop!. Luv u.

28. Kiss her in the rain.
-Err..NEVER.Because we never did any bollywood stuff. No rain.It was always hot

29. And when you fall in love with her, tell her. And when you do tell her.. Love her like you never loved before.
-Yes u told me. But im not sure how faar and how much ur love to me. U dont even know mine neither.Because we both are not psychic.

All in all, yeah, we cant ask things, let it happen naturally. We react towards things according to our feelings and heart. So. I LUV U. Thanx.