Im seeking for God's forgiveness..

I seem to have problems in writing a new entry for my blog. partly I think there's no longer interesting things happen to me lately. I seek joy in life, happiness, laughters and memorable events to help me going through. But somehow nothing really interesting that ever happened for me to have a good thought of anythin...It has been another sad year for me. I think God is fair. Though you have changed ur life to be better, there are things in the past that haunt you and pull you back from enjoying great moments of life of the presence. I believe its a karma. Bad things you've done in the past, will definitely reoccur and affect every single moment of life now. We just have no idea where it ends, and when is the new life to begin. I wud never want to reflect things in the past. TO me, there were things that I did enjoy and I never wanted to repeat in any life I wud have in the future. Bad encounters in my daily life, bad love stories of my relationship, bad days at work, bad experiences with everything! I don't enjoy friendships, I don't enjoy food, I don't enjoy my free time, I don't enjoy all things Im doing. It has been three years Im feeling this and not a single thing I like about these things.

I seek for forgiveness from God. and I wish He would listen to me. I can't seem to decide what's the next moves. Hopefully, He will give guidance and bless and allow me to enjoy this life. Please bring me back to reality. Please God, give me a good partner who can take me to the right path of living. Please God, help me to find ways to improve my boring life. Please God, give me a chance to find happiness in life again.

Hypertune- Satria Neo Crews Club

Sexy girls and motorsports are inseparable. I just dont get it. Bleh!
(U can perhaps think that girls are sex machines. But, cars are real machines! how the hell guys put these together? stupid aight? bias!)

Here's an article about Satria Neo Crews that is featured on the Hypertune Magazine Vol 97. I'm quite proud of having my first writing published on a national motorsport magazine. (Hey Neena, give yourself a round of applause! clap clap!). However, I do regret that I didn't submit my real name. My dad has told me how important it is to include my real name, as I can trash that in my CV and for future reference.

Im quite angry though to have found this article featured on certain blogs by sum useless dog before it's officially published for the magazine. Coz, i patiently waited for 3 months to finally see this writing at the right page (not on that stupid blog)!

To read more, buy the magazine!

A note to readers.

Im writing here to express my personal opinions, my everyday life, my feelings or in short, it's about me me me!. so i dont ask you to be here. Leave this page if u hate me, or if u hate my writings. My writings are not to entertain nor to please you.

I was quite shocked to see the number of visit appeared. I thought only less than 10 people would at least read this blog. Neways..u take care and have a nice day!

Vai via schlampe und arschloches!!

i can't name the title for this. but it's sumtin for me to ponder.

2010 is approaching. I should have made an end-year report of 2009 by now.

Actually, I thought 2009 was gonna take me to another level and I thought I could achieve something great for myself. Now, I could say that what I’ve encountered so far haven’t brought much change to myself. I changed for the better ( a slight change). But what do I gain in return? I guess nothing. I feel betrayed. At some point, I do regret of things I’ve done this year. What was I thinking?

I wanted things to be proper and better. I wanted to have more souls close to mine, I wanted to be accepted in a larger group of people. I wanted to achieve and improve myself. Yet, it was quite like a dirty and rough game. I was persuaded and tempted. And so, I gave in though how much I refused and hesitated to start the similar game again. I knew how it feels like if I lose in this game. I fell, I stumbled, I knocked myself and badly hurt before.

Since the beginning, I knew it wasn’t a good one. But I gave it a try. I think, until now I’m still giving in. After so long shutting myself down, I wanted to take a new breath. I felt it. I feel it. Now, I feel so much betrayed. I don’t trust this world. I don’t trust this game I’m in. They’re cheating and they are fooling me.

A decision has been made. After quite a long time of consideration, I determine to quit all these. I’m sick of pretending. I’m sick of lying to myself. I’m sick of getting the blade stab through my heart.

So, soon, slowly I’m leaving this game. I surrender.

I found souls, lovely souls (my first impression) getting closer to me. I wanted to appreciate them. But I had a second thought. Do I have to be thankful for getting the new souls? Have they been really sincere and real? I can’t read these souls at all. But deep down inside, I feel that mine and theirs are like parasites. Close to each other for benefits. So, a NO from me! they aren’t trustworthy. The souls are unacceptable. Before they suck more blood out of me, I better leave them.

But how do I deal with it? If I were to leave all these behind..what will come to me? I’m too fearful of how do I restart with a new life. I’ve been too much depending on them. I’m afraid to move on. I don’t know what it’s like to be on my own again.

what's going on?!

today is a really bad day for me. im miserable. i feel that the whole world is against me!. got stuck in a course for the whole day, Had to drive up to a FELDA, 1 hr 30 mins away from my work place, got stranded in a traffic jam. had not spoken much with my bf... had an arguement with a lady at the post office's counter! got my bag burnt by my smoke. oh God! what went wrong??..why the whole world is against me??.

in the mid day, i was called up by the officer from PPD. He told me that im in a deep shit!

Rides with car club

i have no regret joining this club.
ive expanded my friendship circle and really been close to some people. i gain knowledge about motorsports etc..

Rides and activities to different places really make me back into life.

i feel glad to have met new people. Some are nice. but some are fucked up.
oh well, this world is full of liars and backstabbers. what more can i say?

despite these liars and backstabbers, the nice ones really make my days. Im glad to be around them. I have great fun. Plus, by being with them, i hinder myself from involving in certain 'acceptable' immoral activities (which i have no against others who involve in those...but i just refrain myself for some reasons, which sometimes i really do miss those old days..)..
but, oh well, money drains out...:(

School hols and BALI trip.

it's been 5 weeks of school hols. damn it. i dont realize that time flies too fast.
another year 's over. im 24, and i still think i havent achieved much in life.
there's been too many things happen lately.
few weeks before hols started, i was in love. i thought i really was.
oh no, it wasn't real. im glad it's over.
had a big crush on a guy that i would never expect i wud.
but he took me for granted. so, i just left him.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the first few weeks of hols has brought boredom to my life. until finally i ve found something interesting. apart from catching up with my close friends, i expand my network of friendship.
i started joining a club (SNC), and made friends with some members from the club.

since then, every now and then i went out for a drink or two with them.
lucky they are nice people to hang out with. im glad to get to know other people from different walk of life. i knew i finally break the wall that ive built. I disconnected myself off from the world.

Now im back.

Damn, i cant organise my thoughts right now..

oh well, ive planned a trip to bali with some new friends from a friend of mine (Kak Lyzza, Abg Shah, Adi and I).it was 3 (or was it 4?) weeks that ive settled the payment of the flight tickets and ushaing the accomodation in Bali. I was really excited and looked forward to the trip. until finally the day came. It was shitty to find out that the person who was supposed to get our tickets was being an asshole. We were the first to check-in at the counter, but we were the last to get on the plane.

we figured out that we were not on the list. F*cking hell. I was angry, but i kept it. There were some miscommunication and misunderstanding between few parties. So, i shut my mouth.
However, we managed to get the flight tickets by buying them on the spot.

I could already sense that there's something wrong with our trip.
Yes, it does. Since, we had a bad start. On the plane, there was some turbulances. and when we arrived, there were some shitty things happened. for example, it was black out when we were dining, the rain was heavy, and our hotel was out of electricity too the whole night.I was just hoping that the next days would be better. Oh no, it wasn't. Some shits happened too. I guess its better off that i just forget it.

Overall, Bali is a fun place to be. Shopping is great. and scenery too. I loved everything about Bali. I respectt the culture. Majority of the people living there are Hindus. I did visit the monument and bombing place. I felt sorry for the victims of the bombing. Oh well, i dont understand why some religious people (the Muslims) would go extreme and killed innocents?
they dont have the right to judge and hukum people. They aint a god. *sigh*. I respect Islam, and I am a muslim. But i hate those religious people who think they are always right and they know whats best for others. Its crap.

We are humans, we make mistakes, even God forgive His people. whatever.

Sunday-At the airport- KLIA

On the second day- Bali Bungalo lobby

At the Pura (temple)

At MacBeths office in Bali.

With the bonzers in Espresso Club


Camwhoring in Legian Street.


With Adi


I swear this place is superb


Final day- Friday.

anyhu, i miss Bali. I miss the trip with these people.

Helloo fuket...!!

PATONG, PHUKET

Fat-bitches from England are s*cks!!

Finally, i made it up for a short hols in Phuket. Bought the flight tickets 5 days prior to my flight. It was impromptu. Initially, i only planned for a simple trip to Port Dickson. Was thinking, it surely be nice to relax by the beach. But, something went wrong. I was angry, seriously angry. It was my plan for months to get a room at a resort with the help of nas. But it turned out to be someone else's trip. Oh btw, yep she spoilt it. 

uh-uh i seem to forget things happened in phuket. Oh Mieza, just list down whatever's in mind!

Bangla Road, Patong

So, intan n i made a crazy decision. We headed to PWTC simply to usha tix for nov/ dec trip. But we were bloody excited plus i was angry about the initial plan to PD, so i bought the tix instantly. It was my first trip ever with intan. THough we've been friends for long time, we never had any trips together. We doubted that our relationship could survive during the trip. We two are two different persons with completely different personality. We knew each other quite well, that if we would have argued over something, there cud be another world war! So, this trip was a sort of a test. If we dun survive, it shows we dont connect that well, and we might not be best friends anymore. Little arguements could really trigger me to get on the nerve. So, we agreed, no matter what happened in phuket, stayed in phuket. Everything went well on the whole. I didn't care what she 

looked for, neither her. As long as, we keep an eye on each other. 

Our room- Patong Bel'aire resort

SO, we got a good room in Patong Bel'aire Resort. we spent 3 days two nights there. And we didnt waste a single minute. THe moment we arrived, we knew where we should head to. I had copies of the town's map in hands and studied them. BANGLA ROAD. YEs. THat was the party place that people talked about. Heaps of bars and nightclubs along the road, prostitutes, hot-white-stupid guys, lady boys, cheap drinks...woaah..i went mad!! So, we browsed through the bars, and we settled down. We had a gud fun! we spent until 4 am in the morning before headed back to our room!! I felt wasted and couldn't lay my head down. ..

Woke up at 8 in the morning. It was raining, so we had our breakfast before we went around town. I was sooooo stupid to leave my swimmers back in Malaysia. So i had to buy a new pair of them. We went shopping some souvenirs and lepaking at one big mall until the rain stopped. It was 5 pm, that we finally made our way to the beach. So, we walked through Bangla Road. Damn, it was happy-hour. We quicken our steps to the beach, was hoping to mandi-manda. But it was dissapointing to see the water was dirty cause of the pouring rain, plus it was already late. So, we had a stroll for few mins, took some pics, before we returned to the ro

om to change clothes for our next agenda! Happy-hour session. Aussie Bar, that was my pick. I like the bar because it was like the real aussie! with the country songs and aussie env. We had our dinner and some drinks before started conversations with other ppl. 

The Aussie Bar. This Thai guy is sebok!

I watched some guys played pool. Tangan kaki dah gatai. Cant sit still. SO, i put my name on the list. hoping to play with the winner of previous round. YEAY!! won over two games!  THe mat saleh guys looked frustrated, cause they lost to a girl  *wink*. Talked to an old man accompanied by his two sons from ENgland. One's underage and another's sooo goofy. But we get along. At 12 midnight, we headed to the Channel [V] nightclub nearby. It was more into r n b and hip hop music. I wasn't that pissed. SO, not exactly in the mood to do anything. Matty, the English guy was already wasted. Intan was gone with my smoke. I just sat back and enjoyed the music. 

So, i turned to the next table and initiated a conversation. The two guys were nice. One was a Swiss and one was an aussie. SInce im familiar with Australia, and ive got a Swiss friend, we had a lot to talk about. After an hour, we were off to 'Hollywood', another nightclub. Intan had her own agenda, so she took our room key and went away. I stayed with these males because it was only 2 am!! plus, the night was still young, despite the fact that i had to be on the boat at 7.30am to Phi Phi Island!!!! i wasn't in the mood to flirt, just wanted to have some company. and I was glad cause they were the nice ones, and treated me really nice. Not like others who thought i was a working girl. SO, i was taken care of these males. THe place was crowded. FULL OF P

ROSTITUTES!!! they thought i was on my 'shift' and even talked to me in Thai!!!!Hello, im not a Thai!! and wouldnt be proud to be one! would rather to be an Indian than a Thai!. At 4.30 am, decided to go home, wanted to catch some sleep. I didnt wanna feel sick on the boat. So, left the place and headed to Bel'aire. 

Went to bed at 6 and woke up at 7!!!. Intan and i were panic! We hadn't packed our bag and taken morning shower!. Saree, our tour guide waited for us. I could see he was a bit angry! I felt very sick through out the journey by the 4WD. I even felt sicker when i was on the boat! After an hour ride, we went snorkelling. The island was okay, intan claimed redang's corals are better than here. But , i still had fun. it was a big day, was really really exhausted. At 5, we were back on mainland. and waited for saree to drive us to the airport to catch our flight home. Bloody hell, 3 days without a break! It was worth it. Hoped the trip was longer! Now, back to reality!! 

On our way to Phi Phi Island

Im glad i was behaving. It determined that im no longer wild! Yoohoo!! and i can control my fun-needs. 

Intan and I survived the trip, and the relationship's stronger! We know our darkest secrets better than before! Love u bitch..Smmmooooccchhh!!!!

Att: Some pics have to be censored from public view..haphunka danke tschon thank you

come on get real.

Genting Highland was awesome. Bloody days at school made me drove up all the way to the top by myself. Well. shouldve driven up for long time since im staying in Batang Kali. So, heres the first time. the journey was quite okay. I guess i could drive up again.

The chilly evening reminds me of autumn in Brisbane. The breeze was so cool, the sunset was beautiful. So, Waited for Hazwan to be there. Im glad to haave such a great friend who would be anywhere u need them the most! Almost half hr waiting, we went in and had a fine dining at an italian restaurant. THis unplanned trip reminded me the last time i was here. Money is not a problem to me now. But it was last time.

I could eat or buy anything i want without having to worry a thing, or not wanting to spend money because i need to pay up for things for my boyfriend... I cant tell how REGRET I AM FOR BEING STUPID. I had to spend money on a boyfriend i used to have back then. He was bloody broke. I used the money my parents gave me and spent them most on him. i had to pay for the food, train tix, smoke, you name it. I was blinded and fooled. It really taught me a great lesson.

Now im really careful in selecting male friends, or boyfriend. Oh yeah girls, get real. Find a guy who can really afford to LIVE THEIR OWN LIFE. Never get a jerk who is pisau cukur. ( Well, the worlds upside down, guys do what girls do, vice versa). Make sure they are educated. If they are 25,with odd jobs and never tries to improve their lives. hell, just say gudbye!... A friend told me a bout a girl. She works in a bank. SHe has a bf. He's a mat rempit. One day, this mat rempit guy saw her pay slip. He was surprised to see that. He found that she earns a lot. So, he made a deal, by asking the girl to pay for his new car installment!..HAHA. PEGI MAMPOS. GUys always talk about their ego, how they reallly uphold that. so no one, especially girls would bring them down. But, in this case, where's his ego? has he lost it?malu la weh awek bayar makan, minum, rokok, keta.dont u feel humiliated? when u get married, sell your wife to some bapak ayam la. untung banyak dpt duit.

Guys, stop dreaming. come on get real. We dont live for money. But money is above all. You need money for food, drinks, house rent, car loan, medicine..etc. So, guys, work harder!

Bingung

bingung. been feeling very weird lately. perhaps some hormonal changes. Uhh. seriously i need a break from this place and people i know. i just need a day or two days off, spend some time by the beach, get wasted, have some smoke and lay under the moonlight watching over the stars.

i wonder whats on my mind right now. I cant think straight. i feel like i live in limbo, i keep on day dreaming. my body walks, but my mind wander off. nearly all the time. i nearly hit a road's divider last week, while driving to school. plus, its been 3 consecutive nights, that i woke up exactly at 4.48 am. and even i had more than 7 hrs of sleep, i felt like i didnt sleep at all. my mind works. it doesn't rest even for a min. ive been thinking too much of things i have planned in mind, but they all are in mess. urgh.
the effects: i slapped a boi, i yelled 'bangang', i flicked their ears, rotan and all. but, at the same time, i invited them home for some 'party', makan kfc and all. I have a mixed feelings towards these kids. i m not sure i love them or hate them for bein kids. ahh.im confused. i offended and am offended by a freaking stalker who said 'oi cikgu, ingatlah tuhan, pakailah tudung, jangan rambut warna'. here you go, HELL F*CK OFF! simply because i said he acts immaturely for a married guy with two children, and age 36!
who started it off? is it me or you? u bothered me, i said step back, u said im very egoistic. Pegi mampos. sukati aku. ko jaga anak bini ko. suro aku pakai tudung. tp nak ngorat aku jugak. babi tul.ko dah kawin. pandai2 jaga mata. mmg dunia ni penuh bitches. samada yg pakai tudung, tp dedah sana sini. or macam aku. janji nama pompuan, nafsu ko tetap naik. go home and wank urself or f*ck your own wife!

.......................................................................................................................................................................


caught up with intan and azrin last week. had some desert at d'lish, bangsar village.

and, caught up with azrin, nas and hadi just now, at pelita bangsar. mengidam sup ayam.

oh ya, he moves on. nas seeks my approval for this new girl. i say ok. she SEEMS to be nice. yeah, free- hair. but will see. if she's also a bitch, she doesn't wanna mess with a real bitch.

Commencement Day in IPBA dated 31st May 2008

Six years of studies finally come to the end about 6 months ago. So, we had a commencement day in IPBA on the 31st May. I had lost all the joy that i should had felt as a graduand. Yalah, supposedly few months after studies, dah grad, ni majlis dah basi. I attended for the sake of taking pictures with the robe, and let my parents witnessed their first daughter receiving a stupid scroll. Oh well, thought of catching up with others. Ceh. buang masa. Mostly act don't know..so i did the same la. Don't expect me to say hi, with u stucking up ur nose. Okay? So, i just stick with a few. and yea , ive been laughing my ass off throughout the ceremony cause both friends sitting next to me (Hani and Anas) been cracking jokes to me.Hehehe. I miss Anas.Oh well.

I wish this is not the last time I put on a robe. Hopefully i'll be able to further my masters studies!


Oh ya. Total amount paid for the day= RM 110 (graduand's fee)+ RM60 (guests' fee) + RM100 (pics and frame)+ RM20 (gas to and fro batang kali)= RM290!
Bloody expensive!!!

(from left: Ziera, Mieza, Intan and Nicky)

I'm a graduate now!

School Hols.

School hols was sucks at first. I ran away from home. ALthough i planned to stay home with family. But. Urgh. She did it again. What the hell is her probs??! She seemed like she wanted to get rid of me from this house.Fine. U want it. So, u deserve it! I made my decision to leave the house, and took my cat back to Batang Kali. My heart was really broken. I've been treated badly. I cried nights and days. When it came to Graduation Day at IPBA, I even went there on my own. My dad's freaking mad!. He just couldn't understand why I can't deal with my own sister!. I don't know what i did wrong (perhaps, a lot). BUt hey! im just not ALIM like her. SHe has to accept that!. I wouldnt wanna wear what she wears. I wouldnt wanna believe what she believes in. I have my own way of perceiving life!. Uh. After all, I still love her. I never criticise her for who she is, she should be thankful for that. IShe's a top 5 student in medic school, she's a 5 time-prayer, she fills her bank account with more digits! What else does she want? a bf?

Urgh.

Talking about bf, I would rather not marrying anyone! Jerks are everywhere. Damn it. I don't find quality guys, nor i have the quality. What I want, is a guy who can perfectly match our lives together. We don't have to have things in common. We don't have to like the same things in life (except sex, i guess its important to like it). All we need is sharing, (not money, bleh), sharing life, sharing thoughts, sharing ideas, sharing interests, sharing bed. err..that's it. NOT EVERY FREAKING THING!. It's about compromising, U say black, I say white. vice versa. u know...ying and yang...

For nearly 2 yrs, I still cry at night, everytime when he slipped into the thought.

Well, maybe Im not ready yet. I haven't completely moved on. He's been the guy. He's the best I've ever had. *sigh*. I've tried to forget the emotional parts. But can't erase him from my mind. We went through a lot in the beginning. He made me live in fantasy, since the first time we met. He was my fantasy!. and he still is! Everything we had was real things in a fantasy world.

How could i forget him? Ive had rebound relationship since after. My r/ships didnt work out after him.damn damn damn.

So, this is him and his gf. Both in white tops. They hooked up right after we broke up. Saying im jealous? yes of course I am! I would only be happy if he has a new gf soon!

FRASER'S HILL

Malaysia's little England, Fraser's Hill

Btw, ive had fantastic hols when Azrin came over for 3 days. If only we had some other people. we could have slumber party ;). So, one unforgettable experience. She paid for a freaking expensive gerai-style lunch in Kuala Kubu Bharu. THe food was good though. Then, we made our way up to Fraser's Hill, Pahang that's abt 30 km away The road was narrow and winding. We both felt dizzy. She puke. I didnt. We were so relieved when we arrived, and we cooled down, took some picts. after 40 mins we left the place. and guess what, Azrin puked badly when we made our way back to Batang Kali. Azrin was the second person who puked on my passenger seat! nasty nasty ;). Still, Loved you when u were here girl! She made my days!! smmooocchhh ; )

Azrin's pic of puking has to be censored. Sorry Azrin. He he

Kids and me.

How to describe these kids. Damn. I dont hate them for who they are. I just hate them for being kids. How could I force myself to love them. THey are adorable and cute. but my goodness. Otak bebal at times. Marahnye. (sorry kids, i dont mean to be nasty). I never liked this profession. But i have to do this. Urgh. life's sucks. I wish i could do sth else. Oh no. Everyday, im stressed out. migrain attacks me. Looking at the familiar face. Some kids are really devils. THey don't care what u say or do. THey live in their own world.

My year 1 kids

Oh well, PANAS NIEY!! oh my GB, i'm not sure whether you really are proactive or u're just being fussy. But i don't really like the way you run things in school. Im not sure whether its ur order or the slobs from PPD. But for sure, I live in hell at times when she's around. SHe used to express how she hates smokers. She even scolded the guard not to smoke within sch compound. But hey, the person who shares a life with her even smokes like a chimney. When we had our Hari Guru celebration at Kalumpang, He doesn't bother the kids, and us! He smokes in the tent. Urgh.

(well, at least. a credit for myself for setting up this place ;) ,

although kena push ngan GB for 2 months)

Thats why i need the comfort from my buddies. I need to get the hell out of these craziness! Hazwan's been there for me, doesn't matter on the weekends or weekdays (whenever he's not busy). Intan, hell i have to wait for her coming back to KL. Nas, he used to be busy, he still is, esp abt his 3 (or 4?) babies. Lucky, he got rid of a bitch. I used to be okay with her. But, since i knew she's been flirting with people ard me, i just wanna spit on her face. Ptuih ptuih.

BTN (Biro Tatanegara)

(Ray, Mieza and Tazzy) The first time Ray and I engaged in crappy conversation. We never talked much since the last 5 years! He's a sweet guy and he's taken. Damn. Haha

Haha. hilarious.pics of BTN!. How I wish i could have attended BTN course again. It was the only some sort of courses that i was willing to go. No preassure. But hell. still remember. We had a freaking big night out prior to BTN. So, i was hung over. Was I? can't remember. too many visits to ZETA BAR towards the end of the days ;). I remember that I liked a guy. Flirted with him (thanx nicky, for being my saviour). But somebody else stole him away. Hahahhaa.. Well, she's someone who's easily hooked up with someone. love them instantly. and could also forget them right away. Too fragile. I guess, she never looked for one-night stand. Me neither (pst: few nights stand ;).

School kids from SMKA tatau. Sexy woo. Suma nampak bra. Mampos tak layan.

New chapter of 2008

Finally, a new chapter of life has begun. The new adventure is in Batang Kali a.k.a Ulu Yam. A freaking strange place. Got myself a nice double-storey house all by myself. So, here's a pic of my new-empty house. Hell, life wouldn't be perfect without TV and ASTRO! Oh thanks to Intan and Nas for coming over to my new lovely crib... yeeehaaa~!

Nas and Intan made it up for the tea

Nas and I, in my messy room.

It wasn't a good news, as other friends in Selangor got posted to nearby schools. Instead, Im here in the jungle! or to be exact, ladang getah! I was just praying that it wouldn't be that tough for me. Hell, I never liked kids. So, I have to now! Well, the new chapter of life revolves around this freaking place.

Fingers crossed that I'll survive this year's task here!

It's not the first time

Oh no. its not the first time. How could I be so stupid? The previous blog wasn't updated for long time. Procrastinating has long been my best friend. Do I think that I could remember all the events that happen in my life? well. silly bitch. I am. What I have in mind now is killing myself softly with lotsa smoke. Seriously, smoking help me to ease out my feelings, and diets too ;).Well, Hail PALL MALL menthol!

Wer Bin Ich Wirklich für dich?

Wer Bin Ich Wirklich für dich?

Ich weiss nicht genau, was ich will,
das Leben gibt so viel her
Wo fang ich an?
Das Rad in mir steht niemals still,
ich treibe durch’s Häusermeer,
ich such‘ mich um weiter zu komm‘
Ich such‘ mich und lauf‘ mir davon
Wer bin ich wirklich
und wer bist du?
Mein Herz kennt den Weg nicht,
es kommt nicht zur Ruh‘,
wenn ich mich zweifelnd verrenn‘,
mich selber nicht kenn‘,
sag‘, wofür liebst du mich dann?
Wer bin ich wirklich für dich?
Was läuft für ein Film tief in dir,
ist in deinem Drehbuch noch ’ne Rolle frei?
Was hast du für Bilder von mir,
erkennt man die Liebe noch
als zweitauend teiliges Spiel, hm hm?
Ein Puzzel aus wirrem Gefühl.
Was ist das genau,
was ich von dir will,
was ist das genau,
was du für mich fühlst?

2006

finally, 2006 was over. damn i think that was the most challenging year ever in my life. too many upside downs. i found love, but its broken. tried to keep it, but its gone. for 10 months, its enough of us. we broke up cause of the distance. it was hard though. i was going through hell lotsa assignments…and bad days, sickness..and then a big shock ever. i think, its nearly 3 months i broke up. well anyways, im glad that i had the relationship. if it wasnt him, i wouldnt be in germany for twice. and i wouldnt get a damn great result for my final year. and i wouldnt know how it feels like to end up in the hospital *wink*. what a memory.

now, im still confused with my life. i dont know what/which is the reality that awaits for me. i cant wait to go through this year. i wanna find my way to get out of this shithole. i cant adapt myself to where i am right now. everynight and everyday, i have the illusion that im somewhere…but im holding on the goal that ive made. im gonna make it real about germany. a new guy has come into the picture. He’s been behind me, supporting me all this while….and he’s still there for me. i owe himm…i like him…he makes my days!. the time in germany during winter recently….ive had the best time in my life ;)..christmas, birthday and new year in europe…and last year was in australia..i feel soo lucky!.

although i cried so many tears for the past relationship, ive had big smiles with the new relationship ive gained. i thank him a million for that. i believe in a new life….wishing that everythings gonna be alright…..phew..one more year..hang in there mieza!..

Yeah, this is offensive

well, its funny hey, when people start telling you they heard rumours about you..Not a good thing, but hell, live with it. Im expecting people to talk about me. Be it my personality, attitudes, life, religion and stuff.

But damn, why these people are so farking busy body? Dont they have any other things to talk about?..Hmm..nasib lah…Aku dpt dosa, diorang pun dpt extra dosa..HAHA.. Hell people, i dont care what u do, im not gonna invade ur farking personal life. hmmm…
Ah, its been a while though im not blogging, well im blogging shits anyway.

I know people are still reading my blog for 2 reasons, first coz YOU are bored, second, coz YOU wanna find something HOT for ur bitching sessions, so, nothing really personal that i write here. Im here to tell u people, to warn u, to stay away from me. And if u are reading mine, u know it, u could tell it. Im giving it right to ur face.

Whats wrong if i have changed? Ada masalah ke? or what i have said is too offensive? So, what, im a muslim, u re a muslim. But i have my own way. And u have urs. Why bother?. Setakat pakai tudung, mulut celupar, perangai tak jaga…nak ckp pasal aku laks.

I have read somewhere, people said, ah walaupun yg pakai tudung tu buat jahat, belum tentu azab besar…tp yg tak pakai tudung tu buat jahat, confirm tempah nama kat neraka. Fark. What is that? Ur mentality is sooo much bounded by UR MALAY culture. I know some people who have such mentality. Though duduk oversea pun. Come on. If u dont like me, its fine. but dont judge me. Dont think that u are safe either. Laki pompuan sama je. Masuk lubang jamban. timbus pale flush sindri.

Now, i have few morons adding me and teasing me in my YM. dari dulu smp hari ni. Well, aku tau keja sapa…Dont think im stupid. Im warning ya, u will see what i’ll do to ya.
i guess this is the only craps that i could talk now. im damn sleepy. Puasa pun batal rasanya. Sbb hari ni tak ikhlas, sbb mulut aku dah jahat.

*P/s: wahai ‘kawan-kawanku’, wahai musuh-musuhku, wahai bekas budak-budak maahad…pegi main jauh-jauh.tp, kalo korang rasa hati korang tak busuk, dan korang rasa hati aku tak busuk. dtg duduk tepi aku, bagi tazkirah sket kat aku.(tazkirah yg berguna la, yg cam sial, boleh blah).

Last but not least, THANK YOU FOR READING ..hahahahahhahaa…

Times running out

Hell, another 5 more weeks for uni. Then lonngggg hols~~!!..damn it. loads of assignments yet in progress!!!..arrghh..ape nk jadi ni? malas betul. In 2 weeks time, ramadhan pulak. Tsk. ganti pun tak abis lagi…
aaaaaa~~~!!!..lucky one burden’s over…Now have to go through few more.Alahaii.bila nk abis?
Last night, went to the ‘merdeka’ dinner. not bad. but a bit messed up. lawak pun ada. The food? duhh…no comment. But, anyhooo (quoted from stewie, 2005, Family Guy season 4), had a great time last night. Isk.takmo ckp byk.bosan.
AAAHhhhhhhhhh….i miss Nilleeee~~!!!…wanna hug and kiss ya.