Welcome to my world. Don't be fooled by my outlook. I might appear nice or slutty. but i dun care if u judge me. by bein judgemental, ure nothing better than me. You dont have to like me. You dont have to hate me. cause i dont give a f*ck...

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

My soul

He’s all I want. He’s not mine alone. But I love him to death. Things were okay, but now it’s hard for me. Have to go through the days alone, without him by my side. Now, it’s been more than 4 months we’ve been together. Everything went pretty smooth. Baby, I swear I will work it out. Only honesty we can rely on. The distance, damn, can’t believe how far we are now from each other. I miss the old good times, when we travelled. We argued so much, but honestly we both couldn’t stop thinking about each other. U were there when I was mad, U were there when I was sick, U were there when I laughed, U were there when I needed U all the time.

But now, U’re gone. I still remember, the last time before I left. I cried so much and even before I got into the plane, I just couldn’t believe it was the end of it. But lucky we ended it in Sydney. The place where u started and you ended it. But that time, we ended it together. I grabbed you, I cried for you. I lost the grip of ur hands. I still feel the heat of you. Your warmth breath. Your shoulder that I used to lay myself for comfort, for the feeling of security. Your hugs that mades me loving you more and the kisses of your love.

You never showered me with money and stuff. But you pour me with your love, your promising words of how you will be there for me whenever i need you, and your care about me if although we will not be together again. I keep them in mind.

We had so much upside downs together. Where did we start from?..let me think.. yeah, 3 weeks in Bundaberg. Then we caught up again in Sunshine Coast. We spent the Christmas together in Brisbane. That was a really great time. Then we headed to Surfers Paradise on my 21st birthday. But it was shitty though. Ah it’s alright. We spent for more than a week in Sydney for New Year. Damn. We argued so much. (You know why). Canberra, yeah that was our next destination before we proceeded to Melbourne, that I was so sad and hospitalized the night before we left. We spent time in Adelaide before we split. U were back in my arms. Damn baby, I loved it so much when you surprised me in front of my apartment!..I was really happy to see you again. U were there all the time for the 6 weeks, you open the door when I came home. U cleaned up the shits in my room. you were my really great partner.

People come people go. But u are always here. Safe in me. You are the only I love and no doubt about it.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Miserably me

This is a hard life. I’ve been through so many upside downs. Damn. Am I destined to be like this? No. I chose this life. I will have to deal with it. Working nearly every evening till early in the morning, studying..damn..But hey, it distracts me from thinking 24 hrs about Nils. At least I’ve found a solution for that. Okay, now Im so stressed out. I’ve been sick too many times. Damn. But i know, soon things will get better. Too many things in my mind, school, health, money-wise, relationship, future, etc. *sigh*. What a life.

-Thank God for giving me a life though it is not in a way that I want. But at least I can enjoy this life whilst I can-